Where I Start and My Work Begins

Where I Start and My Work Begins

On the surface, I look like the poster child for the “have it all” woman. I have a supportive spouse and four amazing kids. I’ve worked hard to achieve professional success on multiple levels. Frequent listeners know that I have transitioned to CEO of a startup healthcare company after serving as their General Counsel. I’m also the founder of a boutique employment law firm. My partner in business is also my partner in life. I even live in an idyllic place. I can see the Bay out my window and drive to the ocean whenever I want.

But, of course, there’s more to my life than what you see on the surface.

Underneath all the accolades and achievements is the struggle.

I know I’m not the only one feeling like this, even if I don’t remember that all the time.

Let’s Talk about Mental Health

Everyone struggles with mental health, even if they don’t like to talk about it.

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Krystina Steffen, founder of Inner Heights Meditation. Krystina spent 20 years working in the legal field before pivoting her career to focus on helping entrepreneurs and corporate leaders find peace and meditation in their life. She has trained with some of the most prominent names in wellness, including Deepak Chopra and Roger Gabriel.

Our conversation made me examine my own life and how I manage (or don’t manage) work-life balance. It led me to ask the questions, “where do I start, and where does my work begin?”

When I ask about where my work begins in the context of work-life balance, I’m not talking about the work I do for my business. Instead, I’m talking about the work it takes to give myself the care I need to be at my best.

Because let’s be clear – caring for your mental health takes work. It doesn’t come easily or naturally, especially when you’re managing a high workload, a family, and multiple companies. Trying to juggle just one of those with your mental health can take a toll.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about the work it takes to slow down and step back. After talking with Krystina, I took a good, hard look at myself and realized I had been so busy trying to survive that I was simply unaware of not having time to focus on my mental health or wellbeing.

Taking a Step Back

The urgency of my situation came into focus one day when my husband told me I was dropping the ball at home and work.

Looking back with the wisdom of hindsight, I recognize that he told me this harsh truth to help me. He was witnessing me drowning with no sign of a life raft. He was trying to be that life raft, pulling me up out of the choppy waters I had thrown myself into.

But, at the time, his words cut deep into my soul and made me feel like I was a failure. Instead of hearing his message – hey, I care about you, and I want you to recognize that what you’re doing now isn’t good for you or anyone else – I heard, “you’re not good enough. You’re not working hard enough. You’re failing.”

Stop the Tape

I can see now that I was letting myself play a tape of “you’re not good enough” over and over again. That tape was born out of my experiences in childhood and adolescence when I was desperate to prove to myself and the world that I am good enough. Now, though, I recognize the need to subtract that tape from my life so I can focus on figuring out what it would take to stop dropping balls.

This self-realization became real for me one day early in 2022 when I walked into my law firm’s office in Orlando. I live in Tampa and do a lot of my work from home. On this particular day, though, I had gotten out of bed, showered, put myself together by wearing a nice outfit and makeup, and walked into the office.

The sheer joy that greeted me at the door was almost indescribable. My team was genuinely happy to see me! They were beaming, giving me hugs, asking about my family, telling me they were so glad I was there.

One of my staff members said something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. She told me that the rest of the staff could feel it when I was overwhelmed and overburdened. They couldn’t perform at their best when I wasn’t performing at my best. On that day in the office, she said, the mood of the entire law firm lifted. Everyone felt lighter and more motivated. They could feel a change in the air due to my behavior.

Self-Care isn’t Selfish

So, here’s one lesson I want you to take away from this. Self-care isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s the opposite. You need to care for yourself first if you want to care for those around you. By neglecting myself and putting my company and its needs ahead of my own, I had sunk into a depressed state that trickled down to my staff. I was unknowingly making their work-life balance more fragile.

As the owner of an employment law firm, I am acutely aware that providing a safe work environment should include ensuring that my employees are prioritizing their mental health. So, this year, we have enacted several mental health initiatives.

One initiative is what I call Wellness Thursdays. Every other Thursday, we get on a Zoom call at lunchtime and listen to a speaker discuss a particular aspect of self-care and mental health. This provides a safe space for everyone to learn and discuss physical and mental health challenges and strategies, like incorporating breathwork or eating the right foods to make us feel good inside and out.

In addition, we are now hosting semi-annual retreats for employees to relax and unwind as they learn different ways to cope with personal and professional stress. Finally, we have started sending out weekly newsletters that give employees a chance to get to know each other on a more personal level.

These initiatives are just the beginning. I am committed to continuing to learn about mental health and how I, as an employer, can provide a safe space for my employees. I will keep striving to find that balance between where I start and where my work begins so I can be my best for my employees, children, husband, and, most importantly, myself.